


The Beginning

by virdanfalls



Series: Trouble Will Find Me [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-27 19:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12088218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virdanfalls/pseuds/virdanfalls
Summary: Oikawa has been sensing something off about Suga recently.  He's been more reserved, keeping to himself more often and returning affection less.Sugawara is just adapting to life as a married man.  He's happy with his decision to be Oikawa's husband, even if it means changing his expectations for his own future.This is part of a series.  To have some context about the relationship described in this fic, please readthis fic. Within the timeline of theTrouble Will Find Meseries, this fic takes place between chapter 5 and chapter 6 ofCarry Me Home.





	The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a series. To have some context about the relationship described in this fic, please read [this fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11826921). Within the timeline of the [Trouble Will Find Me](http://archiveofourown.org/series/798045) series, this fic takes place between chapter 5 and chapter 6 of [Carry Me Home](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11784549/chapters/26574207).
> 
>  
> 
> Rated T for language. There's one instance of swearing I think.

He took an idle sip of his coffee and scrunched his nose at the bitter flavor. For the past few months, he had taken his coffee black because he had been too rushed to have time to properly fix it. With the wedding and preparing for the new semester, Oikawa had been busy beyond words. He had let Suga choose the venue for their honeymoon. He had chosen somewhere relatively local, so as to save some money. They were also short on notice, so it was easier to figure out Japanese venues as opposed to something foreign. They spent their honeymoon in Sapporo, exploring Hokkaido with a rented car and a map. It was fun, albeit a little safe. Oikawa hadn’t minded, as long as it was with Suga.

He was sensing a shift in their relationship, however. Things were more stressful with him as of late. Though they had both agreed to play in the staff sports day to relive some of their old days playing recreational volleyball together, Oikawa noticed an edge to Suga’s words after the match. He seemed annoyed, perhaps at how Oikawa hadn’t gone easy on him.

He remembered returning home that day.  The commute home was quieter than usual, as Suga kept to himself.

“Hey,” Oikawa had said once they had returned home, wrapping his arms around Suga’s waist. He leaned into the other man, his head on his shoulder. He felt Suga tense up beneath him momentarily, perhaps in surprise. “Don’t tell me you’re mad at me.” Oikawa said this jokingly, but his stomach sank when he saw Suga’s mouth thin into a stiff line.

“I wouldn’t say mad,” Suga had sighed in return, some of the tension leaving from his expression. And like flipping a switch, Suga’s previous disdain was replaced a sheepish smile. “Did you really have to aim so many serves my way, though?”

“You’re my favorite person to aim at,” Oikawa joked. “You’re just so bright, it’s hard not to be attracted.” He smiled into Suga’s neck, peppering it with kisses. Suga laughed in response to the tickling sensation. Whether or not that laugh was hollow was not for Oikawa to tell. He was too concerned with tickling his husband.

 

* * *

 

 

Dishes were a phenomena that Oikawa and Suga had somehow managed with each other before. They used to have a system, based on their old schedules. However, since Oikawa recently was approved for tenure, he had to start attending additional faculty meetings for his department. Sugawara was excited for his “sort of promotion”, but it left him home by himself slightly more often. That also meant that Oikawa was around slightly less often, and Suga found himself doing more chores to make up the difference.

He narrowed his eyes at the pile of the dishes. He noticed that the ones which Oikawa had left were coated with food. Oikawa was forgetful, always focusing on something other than the chore at hand. It left his room slightly messy and his items in odd places around the apartment. Oikawa sometimes forgot to do the laundry for days, even weeks at a time. Most people assumed that Oikawa was a generally neat person, and Sugawara had thought the same for a while as his friend. However, a few weeks into living with him had proved those beliefs wrong. Sugawara hadn’t realized how much he picked up after him until he found himself doing so that Monday night, occupied with chores instead of preparing lesson plans for his morning lecture.

He sighed, imagining how much worse the chores would be if they had a dog, or a cat, or a child-

Well the last one wasn’t an option with Oikawa.

He understood why Oikawa didn’t want children. Oikawa had grown up in an unstable home because his parents had divorced early on. It left him unwilling to put his children through any similar emotional trauma. Also, Oikawa just didn’t feel any intense need to have kids. He was good with kids, but those were always other people’s children. Sometimes, he had told Suga, he would look at his nephew and wonder if he could picture having a son like him. The answer was always no, because he never felt that strongly about it. He loved his nephew, of course. But he couldn’t imagine having a son like him, perhaps because he was afraid of parenting, or because he was afraid of the commitment having a child entailed. Either way, Oikawa was adamant about not having a child.

Sugawara didn’t discuss his feelings about children, but Oikawa knew how he felt nonetheless.

As he inspected the dishes, feeling wholly unmotivated, Suga wondered why Oikawa had proposed to him when he did. All of his friends had asked why they had rushed the wedding. Sugawara had shrugged when they had asked, not sure why either. It had been at Oikawa’s insistence. Suga was usually pretty good at reading Oikawa. And yet, he acted strangely about the wedding. He had wanted to be married before the semester started. It was an odd condition, that left them with a little over two months to plan an entire wedding. Suga had gone with it for the same reason for why he had said yes to the whole affair - he loved Oikawa Tooru, and he couldn’t imagine a future without him in it. The proposal wasn’t hard to say yes to. Sugawara had come to terms with what that meant for him, and the things he had wanted since he was very young.

Sometimes love comes with sacrifices, he had told himself. Sometimes, your partner wants things that are different than what you want, and you can either compromise or end it. Suga wasn’t ready to end it with Oikawa.

And yet, he found himself thinking about those things he had cast aside when he took vows to be Tooru’s husband. His hands trembled slightly as he stood over the dishes, immobilized with guilt at the thoughts that had just crossed his mind. _And yet -_ he found himself thinking, painfully aware of his own selfishness, _And yet, I could…_

_I could have children if I left him._

Sugawara went to bed early that night, turned so his back faced Oikawa when the man finally returned home. Suga pretended to be deeply asleep when Oikawa crawled into bed with him and wrapped his arms around him.

Sugawara couldn’t sleep, no matter how hard he tried. When he was sure that Oikawa was asleep, he slipped from his grip and tip toed to their bathroom.

He curled up on the smooth, cool floor, and found it impossible to hold his tears in anymore. As tears streamed down his face in streaks, Suga suppressed a quiet sob into his arms. He didn’t know what to do. Whenever this happened back in college, he would call his friends - Asahi, Daichi, Yui, and Hayato. They were a close knit group of people - and he still did work with Asahi and Daichi. Yui went on to become the supervisor of a social work department, while Hayato went into sociological statistic work. They were both in other areas of Japan, and Suga didn’t want to bother them. That left either Asahi or Daichi. Out of the two, Suga decided that Asahi was the better option. He had been happily married to his husband, Yuu, for several years now. They were grossly cute, with a much different dynamic than Sugawara and Oikawa. However, he may be able to give him solid advice.

He shakily took out his phone and dialed Asahi’s number. He could’ve gone to his contacts, as Asahi was a favorite number. However, he knew the number by heart and he found that typing it served to calm his nerves, if a little.

Asahi picked up after five rings, which was unusual for him. Perhaps he was sleeping, Suga reasoned. It was fairly late.

Sugawara had a composed tone when he greeted Asahi quietly, completely hiding the wavering emotions swirling in his chest. He was well-practiced with faking a level tone.

“Hey, Asahi.” Suga began.

“Suga, what’s wrong? Why are you calling this late?” Asahi asked, concern thick in his tone. His friend was always quick to worry. That was almost enough to crack Sugawara’s facade. However, he managed to keep his voice steady, despite the tears which still fell from his eyes.

“I was wondering if I could meet you to talk about some things. I need advice regarding something important.” Sugawara was surprised at how professional he was able to sound. Asahi might assume it was about research or a new lecture idea, Suga sounded that professional.

He wasn’t able to keep it up for long, as Asahi began to spoke only to be interrupted.

“Uh, Suga-” Asahi began and was cut off by the noise of a shuffling phone. He was replaced with another familiar voice.

“Koushi!” Daichi exclaimed, almost shouting. “Are you okay? Can I do anything to help?”

Sugawara clapped his hand over his mouth to stifle a sob that slipped out in response to Daichi’s outburst. However, a small noise of discontent must have been recorded by the phone, as Daichi continued to press him.

“I can be there in ten minutes with Asahi. Is that ok with you? Is that what you want?” Daichi always knew the questions to ask that got to the heart of the matter. Suga both loved and resented that about him, because he found concealing his emotions nearly impossible from the man. Suga just grunted in affirmation. He had no idea why Daichi happened to be with Asahi, and he honestly didn’t want to question it. He still wanted to meet them, to get some sort of guidance on this matter. There was no way he could go back to bed now.

Suga ended the call, and returned to his bedroom quietly to grab some clothes. He ignored Oikawa’s snores, trying to focus on leaving silently instead.

Daichi and Asahi were there in 8 minutes. Daichi apologized that they were early, but Sugawara just shook his head and said it was okay. He was actually grateful to not have to wait as long.

Daichi drove them back to his house, which was out on the outskirts of the city. Asahi had deferred the passenger seat to Sugawara, watching him warily, as if he was afraid the other man would collapse into tears at any moment. Suga decided that Asahi had probably heard his small outburst over the phone. He decided not to hide his emotions as much, allowing himself to look almost as melancholic and conflicted as he felt.

Sugawara always loved the drive, how the harsh urban landscape morphed into softer, rolling hills of green. It was harder to see at 11 o'clock at night, but it was still beautiful.

As Suga watched the dark green landscape from the passenger seat window, Daichi and Asahi sat in silence, waiting for him to speak up. He only realized it when they were minutes from Daichi’s house.

“Why were you two out at 11pm?” Sugawara rasped, his voice dry from crying. If either of them noticed, neither indicated it.

“We went out with Kiyoko and Chikara for drinks, although I was supposed to be designated driver. Kiyoko ended up leaving early and calling a cab, and Chikara ended up finding some old friends that he wanted to catch up with. Asahi and I were about to leave when you called.” Daichi explained matter-of-factly as he pulled into his drive way.

“Why didn’t you invite me out too?” Suga croaked, pouting slightly. He would’ve loved the opportunity to get drunk with his friends.

“I assumed you were busy with Oikawa. You two usually have something planned on Monday nights.” Daichi replied, shrugging. Suga knew that he was right. He and Oikawa did tend to plan dates on Mondays. Oikawa had used to say it was a way to get the week off to a good start. Suga remembered several invites to hang out with Asahi and Daichi, which he had to decline to keep up his plans with Oikawa, and guilt pooled in his stomach.

“Hey, Suga.” He felt a hand on his shoulder from the back seat. It was Asahi, who was slightly red-faced from the alcohol, but otherwise coherent. “We’re here for you. Do you want to tell us what’s up?”

“It’s..” Suga sighed, then held his head in his hands. “It’s a long story. Can we go inside?” The other two nodded and they headed into Daichi’s house.

Suga appreciated Daichi’s home. The earthy tones which Daichi had used as a color palette always reminded Suga of him. It just seemed so right for his personality. It was simply furnished, with the occasional picture. Suga noticed one from their college days and smiled. Compared to his own apartment, Suga was glad to be able to escape, a least for a little while.

“Okay, time to talk.” Daichi chirped, slouching into his favorite armchair. Asahi plopped into the leather couch, while Suga opted to slide down to the floor, leaning his back on the other side of the couch.

“What, you don’t want to sit next to me?” Asahi asked Suga, his tone unsure. Suga shook his head, and smiled.

“I just like the floor better right now,” he said sheepishly.

“Is it really that bad?” Daichi asked, his voice sounding concerned again. Daichi knew that Suga liked to curl up on the floor when he was feeling particularly horrible. It was a habit from childhood that had endured into his adult years.

Suga just returned Daichi’s worried gaze, unsure of how to reply. He decided to stick to his original course of action.

Turning to Asahi, he said, “I think I need marriage advice.” Asahi returned his gaze knowingly. “I’m having some trouble with Oikawa.”

“What did he do-” Daichi began, immediately switching his tone to that of the protective friend. Asahi cut him off, though, much to Suga’s surprise.

“Daichi, calm down. That’s not what this is about, is it, Suga?” Suga shook his head quickly. Oikawa hadn’t done anything really - not anything that Suga hadn’t agreed to at least.

“I just… I thought that loving him was enough to make it okay.” Sugawara began, almost regretting his words as soon as he said them. However, he knew that they were true, which was the worst part. “And now that it’s real, that it’s actually happening, I’m not sure…” He realized tears were falling from his eyes again, and he took a moment to wipe them from his eyes. He steadied his breath before continuing. “I knew that sometimes you make sacrifices for the ones you love….But I just find myself thinking about the future and dreading it. I feel like I’m going to miss out on raising children..And it’s one of the most important things to me… I don’t know when I started cutting off my own aspirations to match Oikawa’s...but I think if I don’t change something, I’m going to end up resenting him. And I don’t want that.”

Asahi and Daichi let him gather himself for a moment before either replied.

“Do you think you two got married a little too quickly?” Daichi finally said, trying to choose his words carefully.

“Daichi, I married him because I love him!” Suga replied, almost angrily. Instead of apologizing or trying to pacify Suga, Daichi continued.

“Ok, but would it have hurt to wait at least a year or so after the engagement to tie the knot? That way, you could have gotten used to the idea. It seems like you’re in a little too deep.” Daichi was being brutally honest, a side of himself he only showed around their close friends. Suga realized that was probably why he had shied away from calling Daichi initially. He knew it would have resulted in something like this - an accurate but painful assessment. Suga turned to Asahi, imploring him with his gaze to step in.

“Well, have you talked to him about it?” Asahi asked cautiously. Suga shook his head, looking dejected.

“I’m too afraid. I mean,” he continued, this time turning to Daichi as he spoke, “I have been feeling this weird sense of unease for a while. It was only tonight that I was able to put the feelings into words, and I realized what I was feeling was resentment.” Suga swallowed nervously. “I don’t want a marriage like that.”

“Do you think Oikawa would change his mind if you brought it up with him?” Asahi asked gently.

Sugawara buried his head in his hands, unsure of how to reply. He had avoided speaking about it directly with Oikawa about it, for fear of upsetting him. Suga was ridiculously good at suppressing his own emotions. He had thought that pushing down the negative thoughts would work out like all the other times he had done so - the emotions would dry up, or fade. He had let go of many other things, of other people by doing that very thing. He supposed that, in marrying Oikawa without thinking deeply about what it had meant for his future, he had fucked up. He bit his lip as the realization sunk in. Asahi and Daichi seemed to understand, as they waited for him to answer.

As the moments passed, Suga found it impossible to compose himself. He tried to answer several times, but he couldn’t form the words. Tears began to fall from his cheeks, and his quiet sobs deepened. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and realized that Daichi was sitting beside him on the floor. He leaned his head into Daichi’s shoulder. Another hand on his back indicated that Asahi had leaned over to comfort him.

  
Suga later sent a text to Oikawa.

 **Koushi (2:09am):**  
Went to Daichi’s to help him with research. Spending the night. See you at work in the morning.

 

* * *

 

 

Oikawa squinted at his phone, unsure of how to interpret such a text from Sugawara. He hadn’t slept over at Daichi’s since they were roommates. And what would have made him wake up just to meet Daichi for research planning at 2 in the morning?

Oikawa had a bad feeling about all of this.

And yet, when he saw Suga in the morning at work, he was all apologetic smiles. He had brought him coffee to make it up to him. Oikawa took a cautious sip and hid his grimace at the bitter taste. Suga knew that he took his coffee black usually, but he missed having sugar and cream in his cup. Oikawa gave no indication that anything was amiss, however, and chatted with Sugawara as if nothing was wrong.

The unease never quite left Oikawa’s gut.

 

* * *

 

 

It was two days later when it came to a point. Suga had reached the end of his facade, and broke it to snap at Oikawa. He was angry over the dishes, or perhaps the laundry. Perhaps it was all of it.

“What are we even doing with our time!?” Sugawara cried in exasperation, throwing his arms up in frustration.  
  
“I don’t know,” Oikawa replied with annoyed sarcasm, “ Perhaps enjoying each other’s company? Enjoying living together, as a married couple?”

  
“But Tooru-”

  
“What, Koushi? I don’t know what’s gotten into you. You’ve been acting so-”

  
“Where is our future headed, Tooru?” Suga cut him off, his tone desperate.

  
“You chose this future when you said yes to marrying me!” Oikawa replied indignantly, his volume rising in anger.

  
“Why did you put me in that situation in the first place?!” Suga snapped back, ire building in his tone. He ran his fingers through his hair as he continued, his words falling out in a panic. “You know that I never meant to-”

  
“Never meant to what?” Oikawa asked, his voice raising in pitch. “What did you not mean to do?”

  
Suga turned away, crossing his arms over his chest. “I always wanted children.” He spat bitterly. “I wanted to be a parent. I wanted PTA meetings and teaching them how to ride a bike, teaching them how to cook-”

  
“You said this was enough.” Oikawa was looking at him intently, dreading his next words.

  
“I’m allowed to change my mind.” Sugawara replied, his tone devoid of warmth or emotion. He said it almost robotically.

  
Oikawa thought to himself, as he stood facing Suga’s back, that this was the beginning of what he had feared all along.

**Author's Note:**

> *laughs nervously*
> 
> oisuga fans don't hate me pls
> 
> I thought a lot about how to characterize their relationship and, in this AU, this is how it developed. I love Oisuga, please believe me (I just also love some angst ahhhh).


End file.
